Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Per Ankh
by Sucktastic Valdez
Summary: Set decides to send Carter and Sadie on a quest, a quest for laughs! Cracks on Salt, Sanubis, Zarter and more!
1. Prologue

Author's Note: I have been asked by Taylur author of 150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Camp Halfblood & 150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Mount Olympus has asked me to write one for the Kane Chronicles and so here it is.

Set sat at his throne and read 150 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do At Camp Halfblood which he had stolen from some demigod, Perry Jorgensen he thought his name was. Now this was humor, even for a chaotic god he found himself laughing, especially Rule # 40. Suddenly his godly mind sparked an idea why couldn't there be a 150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At The House Of Life and he knew just the magicians to help him.

"Waaaaah" screamed his favorite magicians Sadie and Carter Kane as they fell from his portal that he so conveniently opened in the wall.

"Welcome Sadie, Carter" he said as he looked at each of them.

"Set!" exclaimed Sadie as she drew her staff.

"There is no need for that I have a favor to ask" Set assured them with a wicked smile.

"Forget it Set" shot Carter, khopesh in hand.

"Come on kids it's gonna be fun" replied Set.

"What kind of fun?" asked Sadie.

"Why I'm glad you asked, read up" answered Set as he gave them each a copy of 150 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do At Camp Halfblood.

Set watched the Kane kids as they read the story, snickering at every word. "So what do want us to do?" asked Carter.

"Kids were going to make 150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At The House Of Life" announced Set with another smile. At this Carter and Sadie looked at each other and then smiled back, this was going to be fun.


	2. Rules 1 to 5

**1. I will not as Desjardins why he hates Americans.**

Michael Desjardins sat on his throne as he did whatever Chief Lectors liked to do. All of the sudden two teens popped in front of him with looks of hate on their faces.

"Carter, Sadie!" he screeched.

"Can it Desjardins" shot Carter.

"Why do you hate Americans?" asked Sadie.

"What? Why would you think that?" responded Desjardins

"Well 'cause you hate me and Carter" answered Sadie.

"And you're French" put in Carter.

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Desjardins

"Shut up French Fry" they both shot back.

**2. I will not introduce Vlad to World At War.**

Carter and Sadie slowly crept towards Vlad's office were they could hear gunshots. As they opened the door they saw Vlad in Family Guy PJs sitting on a bean bag playing, wait was that Call of Duty?

"Die Zombies" he screamed as he shot zombie after zombie.

"This gun must be Vodka powered. Soviet Russia forever!" laughed Vlad as he shot a hellhound. OMG.

**3. I will not tell Sadie that Anubis is already married to Bast.**

"Bast how could you!" screamed Sadie after Carter told her the hard truth.

"I'm sorry it was 3,000 years ago besides we're divorced" assured Bast.

"Really?" asked Sadie as she wiped her tears.

"No" answered Bast.

**4. I will never ask Sadie if she's been to Hogwarts**.

"Hey Sadie" said Carter.

"Yeah Bro" she replied.

"Have you ever been to Hogwarts?" asked Carter.

"What?" responded Sadie.

"Well you're British and..." started Carter.

"And what I do magic so what *****" shot Sadie.

**5. I will never compare Zia to Azula.**

"So Zia are you like a fire bender or something?" asked Sadie.

"Yeah I guess I am" answered Zia obviously liking the idea.

"Like Azula?" continued Sadie.

"What are you implying?" asked Zia.

"Well you both have black hair and you both tried to kill the good guys" answered Sadie.

"But I am a good guy!" insisted Zia.

"Sure"

**Authors Note: Please review w/ new rules I'm already in writers block!**


	3. Rules 6 to 10

**6. I will never try something Carter baked.**

Walt was just doing his normal routine when suddenly Carter jumped in front of him with a plate of gingerbread men.

"Wanna try one?" asked Carter. Why not?

As soon as he picked up a cookie Carter smiled and when he took a bit he thought that he might throw up.

"Whoops looks like I added to much mustard seed" said Carter and at that Walt threw up next to Carter.

"Clean up in isle 3" announced Carter.

**7. I will not pray to Ptah every time somebody spits.**

Jaz had just taken a bite of one of Carter's gingerbread cookies and to tell the truth they were awful, so awful that she might have had to brush her teeth and rinse with Scope about twenty times but she just had to get the taste out of her mouth, she just had to spit.

"Praise Ptah god of spitting" yelled Sadie from the background

**8. I will never call Carter "Falcon Boy".**

"Hey Falcon Boy" Sadie called to her brother.

"What's that supposed to mean blondie?" shot Carter.

**9. I will never try to catch Freak with a Pokeball.**

Freak the Griffin was happily eating the pigeons of Brooklyn when suddenly a baseball came out of nowhere and clonked him on the head.

"Gotta lower his HP more" said Carter as the through another baseball.

"Critical Hit, time for a Pokeball" continued Carter as he through a red and white ball towards Freak.

"Man almost had him!" exclaimed Carter.

"Freeeaaak!" responed Freak.

**10. I will never feed Anubis dog food.**

"Hey Anubis I brought you lunch" called Sadie.

"But gods don't eat" Anubis replied with a frown.

"Sure they do Bast eats cat food all the time" responded Sadie.

"But I'm not her" said Anubis.

"Okay just take it" replied Sadie as she handed him a can of Mighty dog food, at first he tried to resist but the temptation was to strong. In seconds it was gone only leaving a metal can and a laughing Sadie.


	4. Rules 11 to 15

**11. I will never compare Sadie to Bella.**

"So how's Walt doing?" Carter casually asked his sister.

"Fine, why?" asked Sadie

"Well I was just thinking because of this love triangle thing between you, Anubis and Walt that you're kinda like..." started Carter.

"Like who?" pressed Sadie.

"Like Bella from Twilight" Carter let out.

**12. I will never tell Felix that Penguins are ****extinct.**

**"**Hey Felix I got bad news" said Sadie in a concerned tone.

"What is it?" asked Felix waiting for news on his parents.

"Penguins are extinct turns out Apothis ate them all" answered Sadie

"Nooooooooooooooo" cried Felix as he went into a tantrum.

**13. I will never force Sobek to watch an episode of The Crocodile Hunter.**

Sobek looked at the TV screen in horror as the mortal named Steve Irwin wrestled with a crocodile. How could anyone do that to such an animal and what's this he was wrapping tape over it's eyes and mouth, he couldn't take it any longer and looked away.

"Croocky Mate what a Beauty" said Irwin in that horrid Australian accent.

**14. I will not ask Ra to give me a perfect tan.**

Carter walked slowly up to his sister who seemed to be saying something into the sky while she was laying on a beach chair.

"What are you doing?" asked Carter.

"Praying to Ra for that perfect tan" answered Sadie, girls.

**15. I will not dress Carter up as a girl just to see his reaction.**

It was a sunny morning at Brooklyn House and Carter had just woken up from the best sleep of his life. But wait what's this he was wearing a black dress a f*** black dress and when he looked in the mirror he saw the horror. Layers of foundation, lipstick and eyeshadow covered his face and was he wearing a wig?

"Sadie!" he screamed.

"Hey look it's Rihanna" said Sadie as she entered his bedroom.

This part of the fanfic has been removed do to foul language


	5. Rules 16 to 20

**16. I will not say that Zia and Amos are a couple because of who they hosted.**

Amos and Zia were carefully reviewing their battle plans when suddenly Carter and Sadie popped out on nowhere.

"Carter, Sadie what are you doing here?" asked Amos in shock.

"Are we interrupting something?" said a snickering Sadie.

"What do you mean Kane?" shot Zia.

"Well since Amos hosted Set and Zia Nephthys I was wondering if you two are still a couple" answered Carter.

"What no, ewwww" stammered Zia.

"That's what they all say" remarked Sadie.

**17. I will not create a Carter/Sadie fluff for revengeful purposes.**

Carter and Sadie were practicing magic when all of the sudden Jaz, Walt, Anubis and Felix came in.

"Hey Zia told us you two were dating" yelled Felix.

"Good for you guys" said Anubis.

"Cadie forever" shouted Jaz.

"That's disgusting we're brother and sister!" exclaimed Carter.

"That never stopped Isis and Osiris" remarked Walt.

"Or Akhenaten , he married his sister " put in Anubis.

**18. I will never start a fan war among the gods.**

The scene at the throne room of the gods was tense. On either side of the room their was about thirty gods arguing harshly, the topic which was better Star Wars or Star Trek.

"Star Trek rules!" shouted Thoth.

"No Star Wars can kick Star Trek's butt anyday of the year!" Horus shot back.

"Well Star Trek has Kirk and Spock beat that!" yelled Isis.

"But Star Wars has Luke, Yoda and Vader!" responded Osiris.

"Star Trek is older" reasoned Khonsu.

"Star Wars has made more money" countered Serqet.

"Star Trek has better villians, Romulans are awesome" screamed Bast.

"You've got to be kidding me the Sith have lightsabers" replied Bes.

"Chewie" Ra said.

"See even lord Ra thinks Star Wars is best, Chewbacca forever" exclaimed Set as he let out a perfect Wookie howl.

**19. I will not force feed Khufu something that doesn't end with O.**

"Just eat it Khufu!" insisted Carter as Sadie tried to feed him a Big Mac.

"Ew Ew A A" screamed Khufu.

"It tastes good it's a hamburger" shouted Sadie.

"Khufu it's not going to kill you, just eat!" said Carter as Sadie managed to shove it down Khufu's throat. The baboon looked like it was going to be sick.

**20. I will not remind Sadie that Walt is dying.**

Walt and Sadie were enjoying their time together when all of the sudden Carter came into the room.

"Hey Sadie, Hey Walt" he said.

"Get out Carter" shot Sadie.

"Oh I'm sorry are you guess trying to enjoy the moment" responded Carter.

"Pushing it Carter" Sadie said through her teeth.

"I get it Walt is dying and you love him" said Carter.

"Shut up Carter" she said as she ran out of the room crying.


	6. Rules 21 to 25

**21. I will not try to make Anubis wear purple.**

"Come on Anubis it's a goth color" insisted Sadie.

"I don't care it's a girl color" protested Anubis.

"So?" asked Sadie.

"So I'm not a girl and it's the gay pride color" complained Anubis.

"Is not" said Sadie.

"Anubis is gay?" asked Carter from the distance.

"Shut it Carter!" they shouted in unison.

**22. I will not introduce the gods to T.V shows.**

Carter and Sadie walked into the T.V room and found the gods fighting for the remote.

"Shhhhhh, NCIS is on" said Horus as he eagerly watched the opening theme of NCIS.

"No we're watching The Real Housewives of New York" said Isis as she grabbed the remote.

"Sorry sister but I want to watch Boxing" responded Set as he stole the remote from Isis and changed the channel.

"I want to watch River Monsters" complained Sobek.

"No let's watch Golden Girls" suggested Nephthys.

"Or Little People, Big World" put in Bes.

"How about Cats 101?" asked Bast.

"Let's watch House" said Thoth.

"I'll watch" announced Set.

"Me too" responded Horus, it was final they were watching House.

**23. I will not tell Anubis that Sadie left him for one of Felix's penguins.**

"Hey Anubis what's up?" asked Carter.

"Nothing much" he answered.

"Thinking about Sadie?" Carter continued.

"Yep" he replied.

"Well I'm sorry but I've got some bad news" said Carter.

"What kind of bad news?" he asked.

"Sadie left you for one of Felix's penguins" answered Carter.

"What! A bird?" screamed Anubis.

"Yeah hopefully she can handle a long distance relationship" remarked Carter.

"A bbbird" stammmerd Anubis in his shock.

**24. I will not make Carter sing "Single Ladies".**

Sadie, Walt and Anubis who were all tired of Carter's jokes and decided to get some revenge. Now Carter dressed in his black dress and makeup was helpless as their control spell was making him sing Beyonce's "Sing Ladies".

"All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies

Now put your hands up

Up in the club, we just broke up

I'm doing my own little thing

You decided to dip but now you wanna trip

Cuz another brother noticed me

I'm up on him, he up on me

don't pay him any attention

'cause I cryed my tears, gave three good years

Ya can't be mad at me

Cuz if you liked it you should have put a ring on it

If you liked it you should have put a ring on it"

**25. I will not tell Anubis that Sadie thinks green hair is attractive.**

Sadie being satisfied with her revenge decided to visit Anubis in the underworld but when she saw him he had dyed his hair a sickly lime green.

"Hey Sadie you like?" asked Anubis.

"What did you do with your hair?" stammered Sadie.

"I thought you liked green hair" replied Anubis.

"No, who told you that?" asked Sadie.

"Walt" answered Anubis.

"That jerk I'm so going to kill him" exclaimed Sadie.

"Are you?" asked Anubis.

"No" answered Sadie.

**Author's Note: Don't own the song. Review**


	7. Rules 26 to 30

**26. I will not offer to give Anubis a makeover.**

**"**Hey Anubis" said Zia who had been informed of the list.

"What's up Zia" responded Anubis.

"Nothing much" replied Zia.

"Cool" said Anubis.

"Anubis can I give you a makeover?" blurted out Zia.

"What? No way!" yelled Anubis.

"Why not I can make you look so hot! Sadie would like it." insisted Zia.

"No" said Anubis.

**27. I will not make an anniversary cake for Sadie and Julius.**

Sadie and her dad were playing checkers in the underworld when suddenly Carter and Zia came out with a giant cake.

"What's with the cake?" asked Sadie.

"It's for an anniversary" answered Carter.

"Who's is it son?" asked Julius.

"Yours of course" said Zia.

"Happy Anniversary!" screamed Carter.

"You idiots I'm not hosting Isis anymore and how could you say that about dad even if he is Lord Osiris" shouted Sadie.

**28. I will not introduce the gods to Annoying Orange.**

Horus, Set and some other gods were huddled around the computer as Carter went on the internet and typed in the url to one of the Annoying Orange videos.

"Heeeheee" laughed the Orange on the screen.

"Stop it just stop it" said the cheese.

"Hey what do you call cheese that isn't yours?" asked the orange.

"Shut Up" yelled the cheese.

"Nacho Cheese!" finished the orange.

"I'm not listening la la la" said the cheese.

"Oh it's time to sing la la la la la la la la la la" sang the orange. Carter paused the video, turns out the gods couldn't handle the annoying.

**29. I will not tell Sadie and Carter that Zia and Walt got married.**

"Waz Up Carter and Sadie" called Cleo.

"Sup Cleo" replied Carter.

"Yeah hi Cleo" said Sadie.

"Hey did you guys pick your outfits for the wedding?" asked Cleo.

"What wedding?" inquired Sadie.

"Walt and Zia's didn't you guys get the inventions?" responded Cleo.

"Walt and Zia but, but..." they both stammered.

**30. I will not make Felix choose between a girl and his penguins.**

"Felix we need to talk" exclaimed Alyssa from another room.

"What's wrong Alyssa?" asked Felix when he came into the room.

"I can't live like this it's either me or the penguins" said Alyssa.

"Ummmmmm" began Felix.

"OMG you actually thinking about it!" screamed Alyssa.

"Sorry Alyssa but..." said Felix.

"You are so dead!" yelled Alyssa.

**Author's Note: Don't own AO but I wish I did! review :-)**


	8. Rules 31 to 35

**31. I will **not** try to hug Set.**

Set was minding his own business when all of the sudden he found Isis attached to him in a bear hug.

"Get off of me!" he screamed as he pushed Isis off of him.

"But it's Hug Set Day" complained Isis.

"Who made up that dumb holiday?" asked Set.

"Horus and Carter" answered Isis, just then Carter, Sadie, Zia, Jaz and even Anubis came up and hugged Set.

"No! The Horror!" streaked Set.

**32. I will not tell Anubis that he is emo.**

Anubis was by himself in a room when to his shock Carter burst in.

"Anubis! Sadie wanted me to check if you were cutting yourself" shouted Carter.

"What?" exclaimed Anubis.

"Well since you're emo and all we wouldn't want you slitting your wrists" explained Carter.

"I'm not emo for the last time!" yelled Anubis.

"You dress in black, you like to be by yourself, you wear eyeliner and you like death" said Carter.

"But I'm the god of death" replied Anubis.

"Sorry but Osiris is the god of death" responded Carter.

"I'm not emo!" screamed Anubis.

**33. I will not remind Zia about Iskander.**

Zia was eating her breakfast when a letter magically appeared in front of her.

"Come to the Iskander Memorial Party

December 26 5-9

Brooklyn House" read Zia when she opened the letter.

How could they be so cruel, only 4 hours on the day after Christmas! She began to cry.

**34. I will not mistake Sadie and Carter for a musical group.**

Jaz and Cleo were talking together when Sadie and Carter walked in on them.

"Hey look it's the Black Eyed Peas!" screamed Cleo.

"What? there is only two of us" said Sadie.

"Yeah Carter is Will. and Sadie is Fergie!" explained Jaz.

"Were is Anubis and Walt so you guys can sing Boom Boom Bow" said Cleo.

"Or Just Can't Get Enough!" suggested Jaz.

**35. I will not trick Set into babysitting Ra.**

Set had been tricked by the Kanes into being Ra's babysitter while they went and saved the world.

"Weasels are sick" said Ra as he chewed his flail.

"I know my lord" responded Set.

"I like Zebras!"

"I can't take it!" yelled Set.

**Authors Note: Bunch of Legal Stuff. Review running out of ideas.**


	9. Rules 36 to 40

**36. I will not call Jaz by her real name.**

Jaz was busy healing a student when Zia walked in the healing room.

"Hi Jasmine" said Zia.

"Hi wait what did you call me?" asked Jaz.

"Jasmine is your real name isn't it?" replied Zia.

"Why you little twit I'll turn you into a shrub!" screamed Jaz.

"Not before you burn!" shot Zia.

"Cat Fight!" screamed Walt from a distance.

**37. I will not install a fire hydrant next to Zia's room.**

Zia woke up to the smell of the morning air, the sun was just rising on the horizon, it was the perfect morning.

"Oh hey Carter" she said as she walked out of her room and saw him.

"Morning Zia check out what we installed for you" responded Carter.

"Is that a fire hydrant?" asked Zia.

"Yeah it's just a safety precaution" answered Carter.

"You idiot. You don't trust me!" shouted Zoa.

"Well you did try to kill me and Sadie I don't know about a million times" said Carter.

"No I only tried twice!" explianed Zia.

"You still tried" replied Carter.

**38. I will not tell Walt that Anubis kissed Sadie.**

Walt was drawing a picture of Sadie when Carter popped into his room.

"Your drawing a picture of my sister ehhh?" asked Carter.

"Yeah hey Carter would it bother you if I dated Sadie?" replied Walt.

"Sure but you should know that there's a thing between her and Anubis" answered Carter.

"I know but still" said Walt.

"No I mean he actually kissed her"continued Carter.

"What?" asked Walt.

"Sorry but it's true and Sadie told me it was pretty intense" answered Carter.

"I'm so going to kill that emo freak!" exclaimed Walt.

"He is a god, you know that" commented Carter.

**39. I will not compare Set to Apothis.**

Set was reading over the progress of 150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At The House Of Life when he over heard his wife Nephthys and Horus talking about, about him.

"Well I mean they're both technically evil and chaotic" said Horus.

"But still my husband isn't like Apothis he even fought him every day" countered Nephthys.

"He did get replaced by Bast and he did kill my dad that's just evil if you ask me" responded Horus.

"So he was jealous and so what if he was a terrible pharaoh" replied Nephthys.

"Was not!" screamed Set.

"Whoops sorry Set forgot about your insecurities" said Horus.

"He is not insecure" responded Nephthys.

"Whatever floats your boat" countered Horus.

**40. I will not call Sadie a dumb blonde.**

Sadie was thinking of new rules that would torture Carter when she found him reading it.

"What! I will not tell Carter that Zia joined the Hunters Of Artemis! Who are the hunters!" exclaimed Carter.

"Sorry Carter just having fun" assured Sadie.

"You're such a dumb blonde!" shot Carter.

"Dumb blonde! you had the nerve to call me a dumb blonde!" screamed Sadie as she drew her staff.

"Run for your lives! Sadie's gone crazy and she has a stick!" streaked Carter as Sadie chased him through Brooklyn house.


	10. Rules 41 to 45

**41. I will not tell Carter that he is only there for comical relief.**

"Hey Sadie do you want to hear a joke?" asked Carter.

"Sure bro" answered Sadie.

"Okay so a blonde goes to her mailbox over and over

she keeps going until her neighbor asks her why she's doing it

the blond answers "My computer keeps telling me I've got mail."said Carter.

"Carter you know who you are, comical relied character who does nothing else but be funny" shot Sadie.

"I do so much more than crack jokes!"exclaimed Carter.

"Well I found Set's secret name and restored the Throne of Fire, what did you do?" responded Sadie.

"I saved Zia, I hosted Horus, I bet up Set" explained Carter.

"But that was Horus not you" replied Sadie.

"Was not!" complained Carter.

**42. I will not bait Sekhmet into killing my enemies.**

"Come on Sekhmet just kill Vlad already!" insisted Sadie.

"No" replied Sekhmet.

"But I order you to, look!" insisted Carter as he showed her the Crook and Flail of Ra.

"Do I get to eat him?" asked Sekhmet.

"Sure and we'll throw in 100 pounds of beef" said Sadie.

"Actually Vlad promised me Vodka so die Kanes!" screamed Sekhmet as she began to chase Carter and Sadie.

**43. I will not eat all of Khufu's Doritos.**

Khufu came into the kitchen looking for his favorite snack that ended with O, Doritos. But when he grabbed the bag of Doritos he found it empty.

"Ew Ew AA!" screamed Khufu.

"Oh hey Khufu sorry but I got hungry" said Carter as he came out from under the table.

"Ahhh Baboon attack!" he streaked as Khufu chased him down.

**44. I will not tell Carter that Zia joined the Hunters Of Artemis _for real._**

"Carter guess what" said Sadie.

"What?" asked Carter.

"Zia really did join the HoA" answered Sadie.

"Who are the hunters anyway?" asked Carter.

"A group of girls who are sworn of men. It's a Greek thing."explained Sadie.

"Wait so she can't go on a date with me?" asked Carter.

"Yep, no men, no boys and no you bro" answered Sadie.

"Well at least no one else con have her" said Carter.

"But she isn't sworn off women" commented Sadie.

"What does that mean?" asked Carter.

"It means she's lesbian from now on" answered Sadie, at this Carter began to cry.

**45. I will not tell Bast her leotard makes her look like a hooker.**

"Hey Bast you really should change the way you dress" commented Zia.

"Why would I want to do that?" asked Bast.

"Because that leotard makes you look like a hooker" answered Zia.

"How dare you say that! My leotard does not make me look like a hooker!" exclaimed Bast.

"Does too just ask a guy" replied Zia.

"Okay I will. Hey Walt come here." said Bast.

"Yeah Bast" responded Walt as he came into the room.

"Does my leotard make me look like a hooker?" asked Bast.

"Yes but...but" stammered Walt.

"Walt did you just say you you met up with a hooker?" screamed Sadie from a distance.

"No Sadie!" replied a frantic Walt.

"Ha Di" Sadie screamed.


	11. Rules 46 to 50

**46. I will not tell Carter that Zia has a prettier sister.**

"Hey Carter have you ever felt that Zia hasn't been telling you everything?" asked Sadie.

"Yeah, why?" responded Carter.

"Well Zia told me to tell you that she has a sister," answered Sadie.

"So," replied Carter.

"Well I looked her up on Google and she's way prettier," said Sadie.

"Wait you can't use a computer and how would you know if she's pretty unless," responded Carter.

"Carter you're such a freak!" exclaimed Sadie.

**47. **I will not lock Sadie and Anubis in a closet together.****

Carter leaned his back against the closet door so that Sadie and Anubis couldn't get out. Now all he had to do was wait for Walt.

"What's up Carter?" asked Walt as he walked by.

"Nothing much," answered Carter.

"So what's in the closet?" inquired Walt.

"You wanna see?" replied Carter, then he opened the door.

"My eyes it burns!" screamed Walt as he peered in and saw Sadie and Anubis frantically kissing each other.

**48. I will not try to hook up Set and Isis.**

Isis impatiently sat at the table where she was to have dinner with the surprise date Sadie had chosen for she looked around she saw Set in a blood red tuxedo standing at the entrance of the restaurant.

"Please let him not be the one," Isis thought out loud, just then Set approached the table.

"Hello Isis fancy seeing you here," jeered Set.

"What the hell Set get out of my face," shot Isis.

"Hey at least I'm not still going out with my dead brother/husband," said Set.

"Why can't you take Nephthys to dinner?" asked a ticked off Isis.

"Because I'm a player," answered Set.

"Creepo," shot Isis.

**49. I will not introduce Thoth to Coke or anything caffeinated.**

Carter and Sadie walked into Thoth's laboratory for some help on their science homework. But instead of the neat and orderly room they found the lab littered with empty Coke cans. Just then they saw Thoth who was more bouncy that Tigger at the moment.

"Thoth?" asked Carter.

"Hey Carter! Hey Sadie!" babbled Thoth.

"What have you done?" asked Sadie.

"I found this Wondefulicious drink called Coke, yeah Cokeade Cokeade Coke," sang Thoth.

"I think he's lost his marbles," whispered Sadie.

"Nah he's just high on caffeine," replied Carter.

"You can get high on caffeine?" asked Sadie.

"Sure," answered Carter.

**50. I will not tell Sadie that her decision has to be tonight.**

Sadie was almost asleep when Carter, Anubis and Walt burst into her room.

"What the F guys!" exclaimed Sadie.

"Sadie listen Ra told us that you have to choose between Walt and Anubis today," said Carter.

"Wait, no I can't," responded Sadie.

"Sure you can Sadie your smart, amazing and beutiful, I'm sue you'll make the right choice," assured Anubis.

"Yeah I don't care who you pick as long as your happy," put in Walt.

"Well actually I kinda like somebody else now," said Sadie.

"Who?" asked Walt and Anubis in unison.

"Well he sot of the god of the sun and all," started Sadie.

"You mean Ra?" asked Carter.

"Yeah I like the old and crazy type know," answered Sadie

**Author's Note: Don't own the Kane Chronicles and yeah I'm one third done.**


	12. Rule 51: We Play NCIS

**51. I will not create an NCIS: Egypt.**

Brooklyn house had been totally redesigned to look like NCIS headquarters. The roles had been cast Amos was Vance, Horus was Gibbs, Set was DiNozzo, Zia was Ziva, Carter was McGee, Sadie was Abby and Thoth was Ducky.

"We got a case, Set put down that donut," said Horus.

"Right boss," responded Set.

"Where are we going boss?" asked Zia.

"Richmond, dead Marine," answered Horus.

"On it boss," responded Carter as everybody got up to leave.

"Hey Set," said Horus/Gibbs as he slapped Set upside the head.

"Carter go see Sadie," ordered Horus.

"Got it boss," responded Carter as he made his way to the lab.

"Hey Sadie what do you got?" asked Carter when he got there.

"Hi Carter want a Caf-Pow?" replied Sadie who had really taken her role to the extremes.

"Sure," he said as he took the Caf-Pow.

"So I lifted some finger prints from the crime scene and got a match," answered Sadie.

"Who?" asked Carter.

"Vlad," answered Sadie.

"Wait so Vlad killed a Marine?" asked Carter.

"Yep you should go check with Thoth for the autopsy report," answered Sadie.

Meanwhile at the crime scene...

"Boss I got something, a wand maybe," said Zia.

"Okay bag it Zia," responded Horus/Gibbs.

"So what do you think happened?" asked Set.

"Well there's a wand so we know he was killed by magic," answered Horus.

"Did Thoth say so?" asked Zia.

"No but I know," answered Horus.

Meanwhile at the NCIS morgue...

"Hello Carter I see you've came for the autopsy report," said Thoth as Carter entered the morgue.

"Yes Thoth what'd you find?" replied Carter/McGee.

"Well the Marine was defiantly killed with magic," answered Thoth.

"So we can go and arrest Vlad?" asked Carter/McGee.

"If the fingerprints Sadie lifted were his than yes," answered Thoth.

"Okay than I'll call Horus," responded Carter.

"Actually you wont be needing to call Horus just yet," said Amos as he walked in.

"Director Amos who nice to see you in my humble abode," responded Thoth.

"Carter call Horus we're going to get Vlad, I'm going with you," said Amos.

At Vlad's house...

"Set, Zia take the back," ordered Horus as he, Carter and Amos took the front.

"Vlad this is NCIS put your hands in the air," said Amos when they found Vlad.

"Never!" yelled Vlad as he drew his staff.

"Ha Di!" screamed Zia, Carter and Amos in unison.

"Is it over?" asked Set.

"Yep it is, call Thoth," answered Horus as he looked at Vlad's body.

**Don't own NCIS or the characters and sorry there's only one rule.**


	13. Rule 52 to 55

**52. I will not go to the gates of the underworld and call Iskandar "The Fat Chicken Man".**

Carter had traveled to the underworld and now he was going to meet Iskandar since Zia and Sadie cried at the idea.

"Iskander where are you?" called Carter.

"I am here Carter do you need my help?" asked Iskander.

"No but Zia called you a The Fat Chicken Man once," answered Carter.

"Carter don't lie to me Carter," said Iskander.

"Fine I called you The Fat Chicken Man," responded Carter.

"Good because I teleported Zia here to hear that," commented Iskander.

"Oh Shit!" exclaimed Carter.

**53. I will not invite Vlad to Carter's b-day party.**

Iskader had created the perfect revenge rule and now it had been set in motion.

"Hey Carter happy birthday vhat a party," said Vlad.

"Vlad get ou!t I thought Desjardins killed you and didn't you die when we played NCIS?" responded Carter.

"Yes but Anubis loosened some strings so I could come," answered Vlad.

"But why?" asked Carter.

"He said something about rule 32," answered Vlad.

"Seriously the emo rule?" asked Carter.

"Yep but I brought the Vodka!" exclaimed Vlad.

"Oh yeah!" responded Carter.

"Carter Julies Kane you will not drink you hear me!" came Ruby's voice.

"Sorry Mom," replied Carter.

**54. I will not tell Philip of **Macedonia that he's an albino.

"Hey Philip waz up?" asked Sadie.

"Hsssssssssssssss," hissed Philip of Macedonia.

"Nothing much huh?" responded Sadie.

"Hsss," hissed Philip.

"Oh I almost forgot, your an albino," said Sadie.

"!" hissed Philip as he attacked.

"Ahhh!" shrieked Sadie.

**55. **I will not tell Set that disco died a LONG time ago.****

Set was dancing under a disco ball in his red tuxedo when all of the sudden Horus, Osiris and Isis burst into his room.

"Hey Set!" yelled Isis.

"What?" asked Set.

"You know disco died a long time a go?" asked Osiris.

"So?" shot Set.

"So you should get over it," answered Horus.

"What?No way, disco forever!" exclaimed Set.

**Hey I was thinking should I do another rule like the NCIS one I'm thinking either Law & Order: SVU or James Bond.**


	14. Rules 56 to 60

**56. I will not play James Bond w/ TKC characters.**

The roles were cast yet again, Carter was Bond, Ra was M, Vlad was Goldfinger, Set was Jaws, Zia was a Bond Girl and Felix was well Felix.

"Kane, you alone?" asked Felix as he approached Carter at a bar.

"I'm always alone," answered Carter.

"Good Ra has a misson for you 007," said Felix.

"Would you like something to drink?" asked a bar tender.

"Margereta shaken not stirred," answered Carter.

"Vlad has been smuggling gold all over the world and Ra wants you to spy on him, he's at the casino," explained Felix.

"How are you?" asked Zia in a flirtatious tone as Carter approached Vlad.

"Names Kane, Carter Kane," answered Carter as he sipped his margereta.

"Ahhh Carter how nice to see you, Set kill him!" ordered Vlad when he saw Carter.

"I'll turn him into a pile of red sand boss!" exclaimed Set.

**57. I will not paint a lightning scar on Carter's head and call him the American Harry Potter.**

Carter woke up from the coach and before he knew it he was swarmed by millions of fangirls.

"What the hell!" screamed Carter.

"OMG! he cussed did anyone get that on tape?" shrieked one of the fangirls.

"What are you doing here?" asked Carter.

"Oh my gods will you marry me?" shrieked another fangirl.

"No way!" screamed Carter.

"Having fun?" asked Set.

"What did you do?" shot Carter.

"I just told them that you were the American Harry Potter," answered Set with an evil smile.

"Yeah and we brought Voldmort here to make sure!" exclaimed a fangirl.

"No!" shrieked Carter as Voldmort stepped into the room.

**58. I will not bring a certain Animal Planet star back from the dead to deal with Apophis.**

"Hey Anubis did you bring Irwin?" asked Sadie.

"Sure did," Anubis answered as he and Steve Irwin emerged from the underworld.

"Crooky what happened mate?" Irwin asked.

"We need you to catch a snake and put him in a cage," explained Walt.

"What kind? Death Adder? Tiger Snake?" asked Irwin.

"Actually Apophis you know the chaos snake," answered Sadie.

"Are you crazy mate!" said Irwin as he ran away, so much for that idea.

**59. I will not spy on Horus while he is in the shower.**

Isis slowly crept up to the godly bathroom to see what her son was doing when all of the sudden she heard him singing.

"I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
>Love's going to leave me<p>

I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
>So sexy it hurts<br>And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
>New York and Japan" he sang.<p>

"Horus why the hell are you singing I'm To Sexy For My Shirt!" screamed Isis.

"Sorry mom," apologized Horus.

**60. I will not give Walt and Anubis copies of "The Throne of Fire".**

"Sadie I need to talk to you," said Walt as he burst into Sadie's room.

"Me too," said Anubis as he teleported in.

"About what?" asked Sadie.

"This!" shot Anubis and Walt in unison as they both held up copies of "The Throne of Fire".

"What about it?" asked a confused Sadie.

"How dare you describe him as hot!" shouted Anubis a he pointed to Walt.

"At least she was sad when she found out when I was dying!" shot Walt.

"But I kissed her and I was in "The Red Pyramid" so ha!" Anubis shot back.

"At least I don't live forever!" shot Walt.

"That's a good thing!" yelled Anubis.

**Hope you liked, review. I don't own anything and RIP Steve Irwin!**


	15. Rules 61 to 65

**61. I will not make the TKC characters sing "The Mysterious Ticking Noise".**

Desjardins: Hm... What is that mysterious ticking noise? Not over here, not over there... it's kind of catchy.

Desjardins: Desjardins, Desjardins, Micheal Desjardins.

Iskander: ISKANDER!

Desjardins: Desjardins, Desjardins, Micheal Desjardins.

Iskander: ISKANDER!

Desjardins: Desjardins, Desjardins, Micheal Desjardens.

Iskander: ISKANDER!

Walt: Walt, Walt, Walt Stone.

Iskander: ISKANDER!

Walt: Walt, Walt, Walt Stone.

Iskander: ISKANDER!

Sadie: Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie.

Walt: Walt, Walt, Walt Stone.

Carter: Carter Kane, Carter Kane, ooh, Carter Kane, Carter Kane, yeah, Carter Kane, Carter, ooh, Carter Kane, Carter Kane, that's me!

Desjardins: DESJARDINS!

Carter: CARTER!

Desjardins: DESJARDINS!

Carter: CARTER!

Desjardins: DESJARDINS!

Carter: CARTER!

Desjardins: DESJARDINS!

Carter: CARTER!

Desjardins: DESJARDINS!

Carter: CARTER!

Desjardins: DESJARDINS!

Carter: CARTER!

Iskander (shirtless): ISKANDER!

Sadie: Saaaa-die.

Carter: Carter Kane, I'm Carter Kane, I'm Carter Kane, Carter, Carter Kane.

All: SINGING OUR SONG ALL DAY LONG IN BROOKLYN!

Walt: I found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe bomb!

Carter & Sadie (Desjardins & Iskander are looking at each other): YAY!

BANG!

Vlad: mwahahaha! Vladimir, Vladimir ow Vlady Vladimir. Vladimir!

**62. I will not ask Sadie if Avada Kedavra is a real spell.**

"Hey Sadie listen I got a question for ya," said Carter.

"Sure thing bro, anything," replied Sadie.

"Is Avada Kedavra a real spell?" he asked.

"Sure is I could give you a demo," she answered as she drew her wand.

"No thanks!" said Carter as he ran out of the room.

**63. I will not invite Anubis to an emo convention.**

"Hey Anubis I got a letter for ya," said the mailman of the Duat.

"Give it here!" barked Anubis, he was moody today.

As he opened the letter a black card fell out and it read. "Emolious Convention 2011: All the black and self inflicted pain any emo person/immortal could want. Events include group suicides at 2:00, 4:00 and 11:00, free samples of moody juice to make you even more anti social and pocket knife testing over 5,000 kinds of knives to cut yourself!"

"Who sent this!" he shouted.

"Why Set my lord, your father does want you to do things other and sit around and be emo all alone, at least you can slit your wrists with other misunderstood and anti social people" answered the mail man.

"I am not emo and I am not anti social," said Anubis as he began to cry.

**64. I will not introduce the TKC girls to The Twilight Saga.**

"Oh that was so beautiful wasn't it?" said Sadie as they finished Breaking Dawn.

"The lion fell for the lamb," said Jaz dreamily.

"And Jacob killed himself with the power of love, I wish Carter was that perfect," said Zia.

"Why couldn't Jacob turn into a cat?" asked Bast.

"If only Osiris was more like Edward," said Isis.

"I could kill the Volturi in one swipe!" said Sekhmet.

"Could have used more bugs," said Serqet.

"OMG are you reading Twilight?" asked Carter, Walt, Anubis, Osiris, Horus and Set when they burst through the door.

"Don't be jealous if Edward is better than you," said Sadie.

**65. I will not spread a rumor around that the final TKC book is titled "Zia's Toe"**

"Zia I need to see your toe!" screamed Carter.

"Why?" asked Zia.

"Because it's the secret weapon that will defeat Apophis once and for all!" exclaimed Carter.

"Who said that?" asked Zia.

"Rick Roirdan!" answered Carter.

Rick's lawyer pops in " No he didn't the final title is a secret and will remain so and ps leave disclaimers or else!" he threatened before apperating out.

**Okay I guess I'll listen I don't own TKC, the Avada Kedvra spell, Twilight and The Mysterious Ticking Noise. Anyway sorry for the wait but I've been on vacation.**

**Oh and there will be a sequal called "150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In The Egyptian Underworld" which will be about Julies/Osiris and Anubis pranking dead people.**


	16. Rules 66 to 70

_Hello to all my fans! sorry I haven't updated sooner but I've been busy with high school. Anyway enjoy this chapter and please check out my version of "The Mark of Athena" and leave a review it means a lot :P_

**66. I will not introduce Anubis to eHarmony.**

"How about this one?" asked Ruby as she pointed at a girl's profile.

"No too preppy," answered Anubis.

"This one?" asked Ruby as she showed him another profile.

"Nope, too sporty," answered Anubis.

"Her?" asked Ruby.

"Too girly," said Anubis.

"Okay here's one that's your type," said Ruby as she pointed at a girl who looked like a total goth.

"Nah to gothic and depressed," replied Anubis as he stared at the screen.

"But you're gothic and depressed!" snapped Ruby.

"Non of these are like Sadie, wait a sec her!" shouted Anubis as he pointed to a girl with blonde hair.

"That's a guy you know that right?" said Ruby.

"What! No!Sadie!" yelled Anubis.

**67. I will not introduce the gods to falafal. **

Set looked down at the brown spheres in front of him. Isis called it falafal but he called it crap.

"What the hell is this?" asked Set.

"It's falafal," answered Isis.

"I know that but what's in it?" said Set.

"Chick Peas, Fava Beans, Parsely and Mint," answered Isis.

"So it's mint - bean balls yuck!" exclaimed Set.

"It's really good Set, Arabic food," replied Isis.

"Fine Isis I'll try your falalala," said Set as he popped a ball of falafal into his mouth.

"So how was it?" asked Isis with a cheeky grin.

"Isis I think they should call you goddess of bad food, " answered Set.

"Shut up Set!" shouted Isis as she smacked him up side the head.

"Hey I thought we stopped NCIS: Egypt after rule 51?"

**68. I will not make the TKC characters into remaking PPP: The Vortex, egyptian style.**

Desjardins: In slow motion the flowers fell from my hand and shattered like glass and when I looked into the mirror I was a beautiful milkmaid and then I woke up crying and I don't know why.

Iskander: Well I once had a dream that I was a baby pig living on a farm. Oink oink oink!

Desjardins: No you don't understand it was a life changing vision I may never be the same.

Carter: Iskander we need your help magical emergency!

Iskander: Oh boy let's go!

Sadie: Iskander, Walt's trapped in an alternate dimension.

Iskander: Oh not again!

Walt: Oh it's the most terrible thing it tickles in all the wrong ways!

Carter: This wouldn't happen if you weren't so fat. What shall be do Iskander?

Iskander: Hmmm! Fetch me my problem stick.

Walt: I think I'm going through puberty!

Sadie: Don't go into the light Walt!

Carter: Here it is.

Iskander: Oh yes my old friend. Now let's see if I still remember how to do this. Poke and...

Walt: Ooh!

Carter: Are you okay Walt?

Walt: Are you kidding me Carter I've never felt better, I'm a man now sup Sadie.

Sadie: Oh Walt!

Walt: It's Walter now. What's up Iskander.

Iskander: Wow you're much cooler than Carter!

Carter: What?

Walt: Let's have a beach party. In Jersey!

Carter: No no! Petuateriasshrinkidinkias! I rule Brooklyn you hear! I'm top dog! No one can be cooler than me because I'm Carter Kane!

Walt: I'm so sorry Carter!

Carter: Good now let's have a dance party in Jersey!

**69. I will not tell Set the 3 R's.**

Sadie: Hey Set, hey!

Set: What!

Sadie: Do you know the 3 R's?

Set: Yah I do! Rockin Red Ripper!

Sadie: Nope it's reduce, reuse recycle!

Set: Screw going green!

**70. I will not, no matter how tempting it may be, send Felix to Antarctica.**

"It's so cold!" cried Felix but his tears froze in the cold.

"Oh hey it's an Emperor Penguin!" said Felix as a penguin cuddled up against him.

_Hope y'all like! Chappie 17 coming soon!_


	17. Rules 71 to 74

**71. I will not exploit Anubis's one true fear.**

Anubis was walking down the halls of the underworld, think of how great Sadie would look in a swim suit when all the sudden he heard a ghastly and terrifying high pitched laugh.

"Hey kids would you like to play?" said the horrendous voice. Anubis froze and slowly turned his head and saw it, the sickening red monster with the big eyes that stared deep into his godly soul and the smile that made him shiver. It was a Tickle-Me Elmo.

"Let's sing" laughed Elmo.

"No anything but singing!" Shrieked Anubis as the doll began to sing an appalling melody.

"La La La La, La La La La Elmo's Word! La La La La Elmo's World!" sang Elmo. That was it, Anubis couldn't take it anymore. He could feel Elmo's song gnawing at his very being. He placed his hands over his ears and curled into a ball as he began to sob while the unearthly doll continued to sing.

**72. I will not invite Set to karaoke night.**

"Mr. know it all,

Well you you think you know it all

But you don't know a thing at all,

Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me,

You don't know a thing about me." Sang Zia as she finished "Mr. Know It All" by Kelly Clarkson.

"All right give it up for Zia!" shouted Carter as he got onto the stage.

"Next up tonight is Set singing 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' by LMFAO!" continued Carter as he frowned at the idea.

"Boo!" yelled the crowed as Set came up.

"I'm Sexy and I Know It, I'm Sexy and I Know It,

I work out!" sang Set as he ripped off his shirt and began to dance.

"Girl look at this body, girl look at this body,

Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle!"

_The Rest of this rule has been removed for your safety._

**73. I will not dress Julies/Osiris as Darth Vader and send him Brooklyn House.**

****Sadie and Carter were practicing magic when all of the sudden they heard a deep mechanical voice that sent chills down their spines. Then all of the sudden a person dressed in black armor, a weird helmet and cape steeped into the room.

"Oh My God, It's Darth Vader!" screamed Carter.

"You would know nerd," snapped Sadie, Just then the man pretending to be a Sith Lord ignited a deep red lightsaber.

"Carter I am your father!" said Vader.

"!"

**74. I will not create a show with Set, Osiris and Anubis and call it "Two & A Half Gods".**

"Hey Osiris I need 1000 dollars to go by my girlfriend a new dress," said Set as he entered the stage, the taped recording of laughter played in the background.

"No way Set, you said you'd get back on your feet in six months, it's been six years!" replied Osiris as the taped laughter continued to play.

"Hey Osiris, hey Uncle Set," said Anubis, who had gotten extremely chubby after all the free ice cream, as he entered the stage.

"Hey in the myths I'm your dad and Osiris is your uncle!" shouted Set as the laughter continued.

"Yeah but CBS thought I'd make the better father figure," responded Osiris.

"And what am I supposed to be?" asked Set.

"The drunken uncle who's also a man whore," answered Osiris.

"Good enough for me," said Set as he walked out of the door as the laughter continued to play.

**75. I will not tell you that Rule #75 gets its own chapter.**

* * *

><p><em>Sorry It took me so long to update but I've been busy lately. <em>


	18. Rule 75, Finally

**Finally I have time to write more for this story. Thanks to everyone who continued to show support for 150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Per Ankh even though I haven't updated since 2011.**

**Everything is now set after "The Serpent's Shadow".**

* * *

><p><strong>75. I will not try to make a "The Red Pyramid" movie.<strong>

Things were calm and cool after Apophis had been defeated. Sadie, Carter, Zia, Walt, Felix and Jazz were all sitting in the living room talking about what to do now.

"Let's go see a movie," suggested Walt/Anubis, whatever the Osiris his name was.

"Yeah we can see Men In Black 3 or The Avengers **(A/N: Both Awesome Movies)**" replied Zia.

"I wanna see Madagascar 3, those penguins are awesome," said Felix.

"Hey we should make our own movie based on The Red Pyramid!" shouted Carter.

"What a wonderful idea dear brother, let's do it!" yelled Sadie.

**Casting...**

"So who should play us in the movie?" asked Sadie as she surfed IMDb.

"I think you should be played by Chloe Mortetz, she's pretty cool," suggested Walt.

"Yeah, she was great in Kick Ass. Who do ya thing should play Carter?" commented Zia.

"I think I should be played by Tyler James Williams, he played Chris in 'Everybody Hates Chris'" said Carter.

"But he's like twenty and last time I checked you were 15," replied Sadie.

"So he's better than Jaden Smith," grunted Carter.

"True," responded Jazz.

**Getting the film going...**

"Hey I just called Thoth, he said he'd write the script," confirmed Walt from the phone.

"Disney is out, they want to cast Miley Cyrus as Zia," said Sadie.

"What about Lionsgate? They did good with The Hunger Games," suggested Jazz.

Carter ran in the room. "Guess what guys Warner Bros will take the film!"

**Opening Night...**

To sneak into a movie about them seemed weird but the magicians couldn't wait to see it.

"But what if it's bad?" asked Carter.

One movie later...

"That was... " started Sadie.

To Be Continued Later, Maybe.

* * *

><p><strong>I know it's not what you expected and you can flame me all ya want. Anyway I'm probably gonna cut the rules to 100. Also if you like The Hunger Games I have a story titled "150 Things I'm Not Allowed To DO In The Capitol" and I also have a multiple book crossover with PJO and TKC characters called "Avengers Assemble" so check them out and Review!<strong>


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